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Growing up, church seemed to be the place which held all the answers. For anyone to question the “answers” meant you were either rebellious or lacked faith. Today I run into Christians who hold on to that relic of an idea–needing to have all the answers, never questioning.

Somehow my faith journey and reading Scripture and prayer leave me with more questions.

The obvious understanding of the atonement theologies have become less than obvious.

The obvious position of a Christian in politics has evaporated.

The black and whiteness of life has turned to gray. 

I have discovered tension in my beliefs. And I am ok with that. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe in an absolute. But this Absolute God in Scripture seems to prefer being painted with small brush strokes made in the stories of people. 

I guess I am learning to live in the tensions of faith rather than trying to resolve them.


When the world and Christians say violence is the only answer to stop violence, I go back to the One who said, “turn the other cheek,” “love your enemy,” “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

When the Church pushes people out and makes those on the margins of society feel unwelcome in the House of the Lord, I remember the One who ate with sinners, turned over tables in the temple, kept a crowd from stoning a sinner, let the unclean touch him and he touched the unclean, and offered Living Water to one who was on the outer edge of her community.

When my own failures sucker punch me over and over and over, I remember how Peter who denied Christ three times, was still offered a place in shaping and spreading the Kingdom of God.

When my seeing things dimly and having some doubts is judged as lack of faith, I remember the One who chose fishermen and women to be his disciples rather than those who were arrogant in their faith.

And once again, I am saved by Jesus.