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tangled christmas lights

I feel like tangled Christmas lights.

Tied in knots of schedules, meetings, to-do lists,

Tangled knots of expectations and disappointments.

Tangled knots of broken hearts and injustices.

Tied in the knots of messy relationships.

I feel like tangled Christmas lights.

But even tangled up in knots, when you plug in the clump of Christmas lights–they still light up.

I may be a tangled mess, but when I am connected to God, I can still shine.

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My Lord,

Do you remember the promise you made in John 14:27: “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid”?

What kind of peace of mind and heart is it when your heart continues to be broken?

The more I seek you, the more I study your life and teachings….the more my heart breaks. What kind of peace is that?

My heart breaks for those being oppressed and for those who are oppressing, those who are abused and those who are abusing. My heart breaks for those who do not realize they are being abused or oppressed and for the oppressors and abusers who are unwilling to reflect on the poison eating at their soul.

My heart breaks at the way the poison has eaten away at my soul and still leaves me broken.

And this is peace of mind and heart?

There was a time when my faith stood on the right doctrine. I knew the right words, the right doctrines, the right everything. I knew what ailed everyone else. I had the equation down.

But as I have drawn closer to you, you have taken that comfort from me. I still believe the doctrine. But that doctrine in light of who you are has lead to a new found brokenness. I was broken before–but I was unaware of it. Now I willingly let you break my heart.

And I must ask again, what kind of peace breaks my heart?

images dove

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